Essay #4: Responsible Sexuality

Sexual desire is a prime driver of human experience.


The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud held that the drive for sexual satisfaction motivates all human behavior. Any activity that is not explicitly sexual is nevertheless energized by the sex drive; Freud maintained that we sublimate our desire for sex in every activity that we undertake, transferring energy that originates in the sex drive into the activity of the moment.


Freud placed the sex drive in the Id, along with the other basic biological drives, particularly the desire to satisfy hunger and thirst; thus, the drive for food, water, and sex are fundamental to human need and desire.


Freud then described the functioning of the Ego, which represents the person’s sense of identity: within the family, at school, at work, and out and about in society. The ego is the chief operator in the personality; in that role, the ego keeps the basic biological drives under control, seeking to satisfy those biological imperatives in socially acceptable ways that give one a good reputation among one’s fellow human beings and advance the person’s self-esteem and social status.


The third key part of the human personality is the Superego. This is the person’s sense of morality, learned initially from one’s parents; and then from others, as well, as one gains experience through the years of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. If one gained a questionable or degraded moral framework from one’s parents, the superego may never ascend to higher levels of morality, ethics, and behavior; but at its best, the superego promotes altruism and empathy that work for the best interests of humankind.


When the ego is functioning optimally in directing the biological drives of the id toward morally and socially acceptable directions for expression and satisfaction; and allowing the lofty ethical and humanitarian goals of the superego opportunity to promote the general welfare of one’s fellow human beings; while finding for the ego itself that satisfaction in social and professional accomplishment that it seeks--- the construction of a personality descriptive of the great moral paragons--- extremely good human beings--- in history and contemporary life becomes possible.


The observations of the great behaviorist psychologist B. F. Skinner also are highly important to consider in a discussion of human sexuality. Skinner held that, while complex in detail and operating according to varying schedules and patterns over time, people do what they do essentially because of the combination of positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and punishment that the person has received for their behaviors:


>>>>>  Positive reinforcement is the most important shaper of human behavior, representing rewards received for the behavior exhibited.


>>>>>  Negative reinforcement is the withdrawal of an aversive (punishing) consequence once desired behavior has been demonstrated.


>>>>>  Punishment is the occurrence of an aversive consequence for the behavior demonstrated.


The applicability of these principles to human sexuality concerns the individual person’s experience.


If a young person has grown up in a home, for example, in which there is a high degree of dysfunction, and in which the child or adolescent does not receive proper nurturing and care; and then if the youth’s experiences at school are also aversive; that young person is then very likely to be receptive to other kinds of rewards in the search for personal identity, social status, and physical gratification.


Such a child or adolescent, once a candidate for happiness at home and at school, with an optimistic vision for future educational and professional success; gains reward instead in the life of the street, gang affiliation, criminal conduct, and promiscuous sexual behavior.


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A person should always be aware, then, that responsible sexual behavior is not chosen of one’s own free will; but rather is determined by one’s biological imperatives and an environment that rewards healthy, happy expressions of sexuality.


Sexual intercourse should never occur unthoughtfully, without considering the rewards to which one is responding and the consequences:


Is one engaging in sexual intercourse merely for the satisfaction of the biological drive? If so, this is wrong and harmful.


Is one engaging in sexual intercourse merely to satisfy one’s need for self-esteem, or for the selfish desire just to have the experience? This also is wrong and harmful.


Or is one engaging in sexual intercourse with due regard for the impact that this significant human activity may have on one’s own future, the people of importance in one’s daily life (family, friends, frequent associates), and for the general good of humankind (others who are or could be positively affected by one’s professional and personal commitments at the current time and in the future)? 


If these factors are considered, if one proceeds in the act of sexual intercourse with due regard for agape and philia, as well as eros, then the chances are maximized that the expression of erotic desire in the act of sexual intercourse is appropriate for the time and circumstances.


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The years of adolescence are too early for sexual intercourse:


Experience is too limited, the number of human relationships has been too few, and the quality of human relationships cannot be as high as will be the case once greater experience is acquired. In order to have a vision of a sexual partner with whom the act of sexual intercourse can be undertaken at a high level of aesthetic, ethical, and physical satisfaction, one must have a great deal of experience in the world, far beyond that which can be descriptive of the life of a person at the time of adolescence.


The college-bound person, for example, needs to get to know people on the campus of attendance over multiple years. The person with professional aspirations, such as the prospective physician, would do very well to get to know people who also have ambition to be physicians--- or people with similar aspirations that will require a high level of education and multiple years of training.


If one takes these factors into consideration, an age at which sexual intercourse is likely to be satisfying becomes identifiable. One would do best to utilize the years at ages 17, 18, and 19 to get to know as many different people as possible, including the dating of a great number of people of different backgrounds, ethnicities, religious beliefs, and life aspirations.


At about the age of 20 the consideration of a partner for sexual intercourse becomes legitimate. Some people may be committed to wait until marriage even at that time. But for those who have not identified a permanent mate, or whose professional and life aspirations might lead them to defer marriage until the late 20s or beyond, sexual intercourse with a good and caring person under properly safe and planned conditions is a legitimate decision.


At that point, the two people would need to agree on the context in which they are engaging in sexual intercourse. If there is no commitment to an enduring relationship, the two people should nevertheless agree that the proposed sexual activity be undertaken with a high degree of mutual respect, using effective methods of birth control, and with a desire to demonstrate their passion in an artistic, loving (keeping in view that there are different types of love), and morally elevated experience from which both partners are likely to emerge as morally, intellectually, and sexually satisfied human beings.


Sexuality, like all human endeavor, is a great gift from God and must be undertaken responsibly--- at the right time, under the right conditions, and with the right person.